Being picky in dating

06-Nov-2016 13:20

And, as for the other one, if you're picking up signs of unpredictability and being all over the place so early on, what's up?

Why not look for someone who's safe, nice, exciting and interesting? When I share these thoughts with clients, I often get a response of, "Well, I don't want to be too picky." And I come back with, "But I want you to be picky.

Over the years, I've heard many stories from clients who settled for someone who's "OK, I guess" only to end up regretting their decision: "What was I thinking?

I should've known better..." But I've never heard anyone say, "Boy, I should've settled more.

" The dreaded "No." I think it all comes back to Jr. It's the fear we had when we were young that if we asked out the wrong person, then everybody would know and we'd become a running joke.

Now, the thing is, that if you're being really picky, chances are you're going to get many more "No's" than you will "Yes's." After all, you're taking a chance, and the person might already be in a relationship or they might just not be interested. It's like what the Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard said, you take a leap of faith and you may not make it, but at least you took that leap.

Of course, sometimes you think you found the right match, but when you get to know them better you figure out they're not everything you thought they'd be.

Maybe this driver took my parking spot, but I'll swallow my pride and settle for another.

I want you to find a good match." When I prod, I learn that the "Don't be picky" advice is often traced back to an old relative, a nosey roommate, or an antsy friend: "My grandmother told me I should give people a fair chance;" "My roommate says my standards are too high;" "My friend tells me I expect too much of others." And of course the list of sources is not limited to these acquaintances.

Even parents have been known to meddle: "My mom's afraid that if I don't find somebody soon, I might end up with no one." As a therapist, though, I can't imagine encouraging a client to date a compromise.

It's not easy, but if you see it's not working, it's time to walk away.

Being picky is not just about the initial asking out part, it's about the entire process of getting to know someone.

Maybe this driver took my parking spot, but I'll swallow my pride and settle for another.

I want you to find a good match." When I prod, I learn that the "Don't be picky" advice is often traced back to an old relative, a nosey roommate, or an antsy friend: "My grandmother told me I should give people a fair chance;" "My roommate says my standards are too high;" "My friend tells me I expect too much of others." And of course the list of sources is not limited to these acquaintances.

Even parents have been known to meddle: "My mom's afraid that if I don't find somebody soon, I might end up with no one." As a therapist, though, I can't imagine encouraging a client to date a compromise.

It's not easy, but if you see it's not working, it's time to walk away.

Being picky is not just about the initial asking out part, it's about the entire process of getting to know someone.

All of us, including the therapists, took part in these activities, and I remind myself of it whenever I find myself in a situation where I might come across as being ridiculous. Instead of trying to find someone who's going to "work," you're searching for someone who's going to mesmerize you.